The Musical Mistake
Disclaimer:
Dear reader,
This post is not to criticize you or your feelings or actions. It is just what I feel and what happened to me and I take complete responsibility of the transformations stated. You are no way responsible for this.

10 years ago
I opened the gates panting after a 3 hour non-stop play under the hot sun during 9th standard summer vacations. Being in Chennai, summer was hottest as compared to hot winters. As I neared the doorsteps I noticed more chappals than usual. I glanced at my watch – it was 5 PM. I wondered who these guests were. I could hear voices from inside – my mom’s being the loudest as usual with her excitement pouring out as if she’s met some old family friend after 30 years. And to my surprise, it was true. I strolled lazily into my house towards the drawing room where everyone was seated with all smiles ranging from ear to ear. “Adi, take a guess on who this is”, shouted my mom with full of enthusiasm. I stared with a blank face at them. There were 3 of them, 2 ladies and a guy – all of them definitely more than my age and looked like NRIs. I shook my head gently as I had no clue about their identity. “Don’t you know them? C’mon Adi”, asked my mom again. I scratched my head – my mom’s words sounded as though I couldn’t recognize Sachin Tendulkar sitting in front of me. “Think, think….”, continued my mom. “Was it a concept or a situation to think and arrive at a solution? Cant anyone understand that if I didn’t recognize a person there’s no concept of thinking on that?”, I murmured within my breath.
As I continued thinking indefinitely, one lady spoke out, “He was so small when we saw him at Ahmedabad. He wont be able to recognize us.” Ha.. at last they understand. My mom has a problem of overestimating my capabilities in a lot of ways, but lets not discuss that right now. At last they introduced themselves as my grandfather’s friends who resided in Ahmedabad when he used to work there. I greeted them and introduced myself. “Enjoying vacation is it?” asked another lady. “Yes, of course”, I replied immediately with a sense of laughter. My tiredness was still prevailing. After all I had been playing since 2 PM and who would not be tired by this time? I sat in a corner of the drawing room listening to their conversations when my brother arrived on the scene. He too, of course, had played long under the hot sun for hours and put up the same stare as I did some minutes earlier. But my mom was not to leave him as the same questions were posted to him too – poor thing he might not have even born when both our families last met. After an unsuccessful tremendous thinking from his side, he got introduced to them through my mom. He too was so tired after play and decided to sit beside me so that he could secretly tell me about his match. Though our heads were aching, thanks to the scorching sun, we looked as though we would fall down and sleep for 48 hours non-stop. Our eyes were half-closed with tiredness and we didn’t even bother to contribute to their conversation and resisted ourselves to remain awake at least till they left.
They continued their conversations bringing in stories more than 30 years old when suddenly from nowhere my grandma enthusiastically exclaimed. “Do you know? These 2 guys sing very well. They have been learning classical music for more than 5 years.” My brother and I looked at each other with scary faces. Oh no! Not again. We looked at our mom and gave a sharpened look. We knew where this was going to lead. “Oh, is it? Very nice.”, the lady started off. “We all love music and we hardly get a chance to listen to Indian classical music in the States. Why don’t you guys sing for us?” Both of us were drained out and here was a set of people who would love to hear us sing not bothering about the state which we are in. Of course we loved music, at least I did. Music was my world and I couldn’t do without it. But was that a situation to give a performance, do you think we were in a mood to perform?

Between 10 years ago and now

My brother shunned music and I was the only victim for all my relatives. They used to pester me for a song whenever we met and being a part of a huge family, such meetings are often. I used to oblige every time no matter in whatever mood I was - not want to hurt their requests. Sometimes I enjoyed singing, sometimes I hated it. It depended on my mood. Just like you cant taste a cup of tea immediately after tasting a chocolate, just like you cant go into the hot sun at 45 degree temperature immediately after being inside an air-conditioned room, just like you cant drink a cup of hot water after accidentally tasting a spicy chilli, getting into a singing mood is always tough unless you are already in it. My obligations and talent for singing spread like a woman keeping a secret and thus expectations were raised. Every time I met someone I had to sing – sometimes I was in mood and loved singing and sometimes I hated as I wouldn’t be in that mood although I obliged every time. Slowly and steadily an internal pressure started to build up and I started avoiding such request citing some reason or the other much to the surprise of many of my relatives and friends. I stopped practicing music and slowly my isolation with it became an easier excuse. Was it a mistake learning singing? Why does this happen to singers only? And why not to many other instrument players? Just because we carry our instrument along with us, why is it being exploited? Why cant requestors understand the comfort level of the singer and why do they pressurize them to sing? I know many people who have asked me – “Why do you need a mood to sing?” and this write-up is directed to such readers and not to criticize anyone. All these instances have made me avoid music although I wouldn’t love to do it; it has slowly made me feel – “Was it a mistake learning to sing?”

Future
I never know how music in me will grow or fade over time, but I would always love to be a singer and just keep singing, keep singing, keep singing………….